I can always be reached at uncertain8108@gmail.com

My Path Toward Unadulterated Emancipation

My insular trepidation unaddressed. I flow between the people in duress. Amok with aloof worry, uncertain of my ability.

Fluent theology has defined me, its rapid intensity has ruined me, their cognitive implants have confined me, but realistic questions have freed me.

I flow beneath, I do. Through the people I see, the stories I watch, the youth unborn, my mirror unwashed.

Why is unequivocal, but an answer forbidden. Why is a wonder, its ephemerality is a never. Why is a question, not to be unfited, its answer is unheard, and has yet to be delivered.

To recapture the youth that was stolen, to embark on a life of fun, to defend tranquility as a given, to move on and away and be done.

To relive my stolen past, to recreate its elusive push, to redo it once again, to decided and then push it through.

Dreary clouds roll away, sunlight breaks. A day is born again, and tomorrows promises elate.

I will lean on its complexity and fulfill the if to its full. I may look at others and follow, even if that is a fool.

I now recreate and live on, define life as I see fit. I leave behind my darkness, to live as an emancipated elite.
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry

Picture Of the Rebbe

I'm visit my parent house, I see a card on the floor, so I bend down to pick it up. It's not a card it's a small picture of the Rebbe. I automatically draw the to my mouth to kiss is before I put away.....

I jerk back in amused thoughtfulness when I realized what I was about to do. I smile and think to myself, "I guess my friend was right".

Burnt Out

In a moment of clarity I realized that because I gave it all in the frum world I am so afraid to really go all the way for anything ells. The effort for college is closer to half ass attempt. I am totally burned out.

I assume that this is felt more by ppl who “frayed out” a little later in life.

Ok I need therapy- but I wanted to share it with you chevreh first....

Chometz or No Chometz

So these girls at school were quoting the bible about Pesach how if you eat Chometz you get kures. Now I'm conflicted to perhaps keep Pesach (and kick off a diet), or take this opportunity to get "cut off".

Kurest, Chassidus explains is.... Ok there is 5 levels to the Nishama - ruach, nefesh, nishomoh, chayuh, yechidah. The inyan of kures is ....

Why am I still dealing with these things?

I found it interesting that many secular Jews refrain from eating "Hametz" on Pesach as well.

Oy usually I am very supportive of people no matter what general direction they decide to go.

This morning while talking to some Jewish kid in college, I gave such a "vish up" about this whole bull shit concept of freedom on Pesach, and how real freedom is doing and eating whatever the hell you want on Pesach. He got so insulted. I didn't realize that he was frum (he was wearing a huddy).

I think I said sorry to him, but I now have to tshuvah between me and the aibishter.

This clip makes me sad... if you feel that the Kol Nidrei sucks, (mine is better btw :) then just skip the first three minutes of the film.

Oy I Ate... Bacon!

Wow I can't believe I ate bacon, it's disgusting!

It's actually very good, but ich it's chazer!

Just another step farther away, just another step freer....

I decided to finally put my past behind me and only look to the future. It's the best decision anyone can make. I literally imagined turning around in a long tunnel away from the past and in towards the future.

BTW I may eat bacon but I will NOT be touching gebrux this Pesach....

GEBRUUUUUUUX!!!

"wow wooow WOW!!!!! WATCH OUT! GEBRUUUUUX!"

Apparently there are some terrible things on this world:

The Ebola virus

The Holocaust

Gebrux

Drinking OUTSIDE the Sukkah

Serial killers

Purposely Fray

So,

Those people that have a purpose and work towards a goal that is greater then themselves tend to be happier and feel more fulfilled.

The Frum world has it, Chabad has it, and the (Israeli) army has it.

In the liberated fray world, where is to be found?

Yiddisheh "Wisdom" From My Father...

Some outlooks on life:

"The Reform movement started in Germany= and that's where the holocaust happened"

"Because they said that even god can not sink the titanic= god proved them wrong"

"He said he wanted to marry a "Modern" girl= now god showed him and he has marriage problems"

Haiti & the Krankeh Shliach

"So, why does god do such a thing to people in Haiti????" asks the Shliach while focusing only on the mens section, "it is to reaffirm the faith the Jewish people have in him because we don't understand why god does such things" he then adds, "but we have to believe in god enough so that he shouldn’t have to do thing like this"


Nebach!

College Friends

At college I made friends with...... Frum people! Is it ironic or am I just more comfortable around Frum people?

I did make other friends as well. i made friends with a Chinese kid, a black kid, a nerd, like 5 black girls, the people behind the counter at the deli, all my professors, the guy who I always talk to when I see him but I don't know his name and of course by now it's really too late to ask ..... lol

Almost Done

I’m almost done my first semester in college. The classes I took on Shabbos where much better then Challah. The road of freedom is lonely, but perhaps worth it.

Bosor B'cholov or Not?

Is kosher meat with Kosher cheese heated in a microwave, considered real authentic bosor bicholov?

Every time I try I always have a wise guy tell they both must be kosher food and cooked together.

Is a microwave considered cooking? According to whom is it not considered cooking? If you go according to that shita that holds that microwaving isn’t kosher, AND technically the hotdogs are already cooked, so according to the Rashal ……

Chosid=Loser

(The names, dates, and ages have been changed)
So I was 12 or 13 years old and it on Shabbos afternoon. After the Davening in 770 finished I was walking together with my father, brother, and some random people to a Kiddush where a friend of the family was celebrating something. The sun was out and shining in my face although it was chilly outside.

The weather was uncomfortable and the atmosphere was glum for just a few months ago the beloved Lubavitcher Rebbe had passed away....

Always the inquisitive one, I would make sure to walk near the adults so I could listen in to their passionate effusive conversations, besides it was always more interesting then what the kids my age were saying.

I overheard a conversation that has affected me until today. Moshe, a contemporary of my father, asked my father "Dovid, do you think Reb Avrohom is a Chassidishe Yid?” I strained my ear as best possible to hear the response, after all that’s exactly what I wanted to be, a "Chassidishe Yid", that was the ultimate! "Yes" was my fathers unwavering opinion. "Why?" Asked Moshe, "He's a Chassidishe Yid," my father explained “becomes he has nothing- no money, no family… er hut gurnishet".

Let's put away the concepts of success, happiness, alpha male, Chavreman, go getter. I am at a loss of words to explain how, don’t know what work to use, loserish was.

In my experience this horrible outlook on life wasn’t only felt and taught by a few, but sadly it is a concept that permeates the community as a whole.
With the backdrop of its history, Chabad has a lot to be proud of and continues to personify the self sacrifice of Russian Jewry etc. I am extremely proud that not so distant relatives actually saved people during the holocaust at the peril of their own demise.

However, to bring up a whole generation with this pathetic outlook and negative thirst toward not enjoying the basic accomplishments of the human being and even worse to to promote
a looser as a Chasid,
having a crazy wife as a good Mashpia,
making crap out of someone as a Farbrengen,
ruining someones property as a "good Farbrengen", is plain wrong.

I for one want to be the biggest loser in the eyes of the community!

Weird

I sit in your sukkah- I am one of you.
I eat at your Shabbos meal - I am one of you.
I agree with your vort - I am one of you.
I sing the niggunim - I even inspire you.


I hate you and all that you stand for.
I will destroy you and all that you consider holy.
You are bad you are nil.
You make me sick, you make me ill.

L'chaim.... mir zul (TAKEH) veren chassidim!

"Ah Shvereh Leben"

In Yeshivah they always promoted a hard life, lack of sleep, and lack of enjoyment.

The historical basis for this propensity comes from a nostalgic desire to relive the hard days of communist Russia. Starting with the 1917 communist revolution followed by the purges of the 30s, religious Jews and Chassidim in particular were targeted by the communist government. It was a hard life for Chassidim, and many were actually killed for trying to preserve Jewish life.

Fast forward to the end of the 20th century go into the halls and minds of the Chabad Yeshivah system you will find that the ongoing overall outlook on life has a foundation which is deeply rooted on reliving that difficult past. They are so impressed and inspired by the stories of "Mesiras Nefesh" (self sacrifice) that they feel guilty for not facing these same challenges on a daily basis.

For example, examine the simple thought process that would play itself out with this type of looserish self deprivation. The Yeshiva boy thinks to himself “After all, if Mendle Futerfas "mistakenly" fell off a boat just to go to the Mikveh, then how dare I enjoy a good night sleep, put on warm clothe, and go to the Mikveh with a clean towel?” Another demented train of thought, “If some Chassidim (supposedly) broke ice in the early winter morning, in Shtetelgrad, just to go to the Mikveh before Davening, how dare I drink coffee before Davening and enjoy it with sugar.”

This sick pathetic injustice that has been done to a generation is not only sad but eternally damaging. I sit down to study math and it’s going well, but all of a sudden I have this (not so subconscious) feeling of guilt about being so comfortable and not struggling, I am having it too “easy”.

I realize that I may never truly get away from this negative, difficult, self-destructive outlook, so my personal revenge is to break Shabbos and piss on everything holy. Not that the two equate, but what ells am I suppose to do? Besides, it feels good and it believe it or not, it helps!

This is my rant

Tshuvah!!!

Since this is the time that some ppl want to “repent” and say sorry. My father told me that I together with all my friends who frayed out and embarrassed their families will all "burn in hell!”

HAHA, I was gonna ask him if he is welcoming me into his frum life.

Traif

Sunday afternoon…. Sitting in an outdoor restaurant on the water... so relaxed... my friend actually paid for the meal - corn beef with hot melted cheese! This is the first time that I have actual traif in front of me, for me… I sat there not totally sure if I should go for it... should I cross that “line”… as usual when I am faced with such decisions I look back at the horrible negativities of the frum world and I realize that this is what it takes…. I picked up the soft (non yoshon lol) bread and I took a bite.... awesome! The traif corn beef with the melted cheese tasted really good.


Traif is good because;
A. it's cheaper then kosher
B. It tastes good
C. It helps you get rid of the last shemetz of Yiddishkait and especially that sickness called Chassidishkait.

On the other side of the coin, my Neilah Davening made two ppl cry..... Sukkos is coming up and honestly, I miss the Rebbe.... every year on Simchas Torah I become very nostalgic for the Rebbe....

I am in college now which is AWESOME. Simply put, college is a place were one can pursue education. For the first time in my life I realized that education can actually be an enjoyable thing. This is in stark contrast to Yeshivah which is not only a horrible waste of time but literally takes life out of people.