Monday, May 17, 2010

My Path Toward Unadulterated Emancipation

My insular trepidation unaddressed. I flow between the people in duress. Amok with aloof worry, uncertain of my ability.

Fluent theology has defined me, its rapid intensity has ruined me, their cognitive implants have confined me, but realistic questions have freed me.

I flow beneath, I do. Through the people I see, the stories I watch, the youth unborn, my mirror unwashed.

Why is unequivocal, but an answer forbidden. Why is a wonder, its ephemerality is a never. Why is a question, not to be unfited, its answer is unheard, and has yet to be delivered.

To recapture the youth that was stolen, to embark on a life of fun, to defend tranquility as a given, to move on and away and be done.

To relive my stolen past, to recreate its elusive push, to redo it once again, to decided and then push it through.

Dreary clouds roll away, sunlight breaks. A day is born again, and tomorrows promises elate.

I will lean on its complexity and fulfill the if to its full. I may look at others and follow, even if that is a fool.

I now recreate and live on, define life as I see fit. I leave behind my darkness, to live as an emancipated elite.
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry


e said...

high-falutin' language that is.

Lily said...

I hope you'll check out my latest post on the FormerlyFrum blog - it addresses some of the same emotions. I'm proud of you for your brave choice and stand behind you 100%.

Yelena Perle said...

If you haven't heard of it you should find out about footsteps. It helps people who were frum/cult members, etc. to adjust. While I don't agree with the changes you have decided to make I do agree you have the right to make them and it should be a truly free choice. That can only be possible if you can make the decision while living comfortably in the secular world.

On another note, your blog is very captivating to me. I am a rather recent baal teshuva and always curious as to why people leave the community. While I'm not much of a fan of the community or the religion (I'm studying to be a scientist) I do enjoy the traditions.

All the best to you.

Frum No More said...

Why did you become a ballas tshuvah?

Yelena Perle said...

Frum no more, Sorry it took so long for me to reply. I forgot to add your blog to my bookmarks and lost track of it until now. Sad to see no new posts from you.

I started to become a baal teshuva because I liked the traditions. I felt I was connecting to my ancestors. Why do I keep it now? Because I want my children to value Judaism and to marry Jewish. The only real way to ensure that is to give them enough reason for it. Have you ever read the book G-d, History and the Jewish People? It's a secular telling of Jewish history and it's amazing. But what it made me realize (not everyone, just me) is that being religious makes me proud of being Jewish because I do something for it. I make an effort. Just being culturally Jewish, as I previously was, and proud is meaningless pride because it involves no effort on my part.

At the same time, I am no where near Hassidic and try hard to stay away from that, though Chabad is everywhere. I would say I'm orthodox/modern orthodox if I had to put a label on it. With that said, the modern orthodox strain offers a far more appealing take on Judaism. It follows the torah and gemarah while still allowing the freedoms to interact freely with the secular world and to pursue education.

The world isn't black and white. There are so many shades. There isn't Hasidic or nothing. There is this beautiful long and broad section of modern orthodox that allows you to keep religion and sanity.