Monday, August 4, 2008

Shabbos Morning.....

His voice emanates throughout the air, he is a beautiful chazzan, he is very much enjoyed by the congregants. Quiet murmurs of Davening are heard throughout the small but comfortable Shul, but when the chazzan starts to sings all grow silent except for those who are loving his melodies and can’t help but to sing along. The chazzan, his name is Chaim, is wearing a Tallis and singing very beautifully, his style is a throwback to the original way of davening from back in the day, yet he is able to transform it and modernize it so the people can relate. When the chazzan is finished Shachris he is then welcomed to davene Musaf, his powerful voice is heard throughout the room Keser is a success! The crowed is happy, the chazzan was great, he really made the Davening more enjoyable, he inspired the audience. It all looks good.....

No one knows that just a few hours ago Chaim was at a club breaking every Shabbos and every Jewish Law he ever grew up with, no one in the Shul would ever imagine that the night before (Friday night) Chaim or "Sean" ate at a jazz club, paid for the food, drove in a car, met up with friends, and dressed more like a punk rock star then a religious Jew..…

Friday, August 1, 2008

Decisions Based on Emotion...

I am so distressed! My mind is racing! I wonder these days…. Is it wrong to do something purely based on emotion? If the answer is “yes!” and “fraying out” because of an emotional reason would be wrong then let me tell you that you’ll never know until you experience it yourself to understand what the other person went through. That person had no choice but to "run" away and leave behind all the negativity that was tied into being frum? I spoke to a frum therapist. He said that just because someone has personal issues, why should religion be the first thing to go?

Good Question! Ok, let’s take item by item;

Friday night? Would I like to suffer through a Shabbos meal, a meal filled with negativity hearing about everyone who is sick and dying, being criticized constantly, and looked at by my parents like a radchmonus case because I am not married yet?

Teffilin: do I want to put on Teffilin and ruin my day? Teffilin has three different concepts. Putting mind over matter, remembering our escape from Egypt (translating that as an escape from out personal Egypt etc), and refining the world (Teffilin is leather which can be used for shoes) and making it something holy. (Ha! In my chabad days I used to tell people all the good things Teffilin can bring, which it may for some people) Teffilin for me is a negative experience, it reminds me and brings me back to the frum negative world.
Kosher: Kosher works well for me actually.
Dating: Don’t get me started, but the frum world is so messed up when it comes to dating. Why should I have to “settle” for a frum girl if she won’t “settle” for me when we all “settle” for each other? Should I suffer through the humiliating process or should I look for alternatives. I believe in honesty and so far the secular world of dating is very confusing for me….

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Should I Stay Frum

I grew up Frum - In a frum community - first thing is I don't know how to write but I will do my best.... I am going through a hard time now figuring out what I wanna do. Should I stay frum? well technically I am not frum but the real question is - should I move away from the neighborhood or should I stay here? (My neighborhood represents a lot of pain. When I walk down the main avenue I become unhappy.)
Should I consider myself “secular” and strive to life a “secular” lifestyle or should I just be a frum person? Should I stay here or should I move away?