So,
Those people that have a purpose and work towards a goal that is greater then themselves tend to be happier and feel more fulfilled.
The Frum world has it, Chabad has it, and the (Israeli) army has it.
In the liberated fray world, where is to be found?
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Generally people outside of religious groups join other types of groups.
Why do you think the average NFL team pulls in over 60000 people for a game? Some are there for the excitement but most are there for the thrill of being surrounded by people "just like them".
Then there are the secular religions like the Dawkins/Hitchens atheism, or climate change fanatics. These are religious groups except that their "god" is either a shared concept (lack of a god) or an idea (mankind is destroying the planet).
People don't like being lonely. They will join together to avoid it. Look at most ex-religious folks. They're usually found some new group to associate with, accept its ideals on themselves and happily hang out with comrades in the common cause.
Family, volunteer work and community work, involvment in professional organizations, etc. all help people find meaning and be part of something larger. Most of what gives other people meaning involves helping others in some way or doing something creative -- i.e. art, literature. Religion does create meaning for many, but if you don't really believe and are just going through the motions can it really provide meaning?
i didn't feel like i had a purpose or a goal when I was a believer
I came ac cross you blog "accidentally". I did read most of your comments.
Good luck on your journey. I wish you peace.
What is interesting is that, for much of the same reasons, I am coming from and going in the exact opposite direction - "karma, yin/yang, balance".
I also had excursions back to treif and breaking Shabbos and remember the feelings of both guilt and utter exhilation but decided that for me the restrictions not only work but also benefit me and have not looked back since.
One suggestion I have for you is to lose that hatred and bitterness you seem to still have and be earnest and truthful on the path you choose knowing you are making the choices and accept those consequences.
If you do not want to follow any organized system, religion etc then just ask yourself if your actions are going to benefit both you and society and bring goodness, compassion and positivity into the world
Also any relationship or communication you have with another person (whether a short chance meeting or prolonged platonic or intimate) should have a positive outcome in that both of you come out supported and "improved".
You do not need religion for this but in my personal opinion it helps if done in the right way.
Too much shtus, arrogance and selfishness had crept into religion and even Chabad. I personally want to correct this from the inside out rather than running from it.
You pick your path and I wish you all the best on it.
For me, part of disconnecting with a divine belief system is also disconnecting with the idea of an absolute purpose, or absolute truth.
I have done away with 'purpose' and have replaced it with simply striving to be as good a human as I can be.
Only positive things will come out of that attitude, for yourself and for others.
^^ Alternatively, having a narrow definition of purpose, like Chabad (of which I once belonged), will primarily only serve the sector of people with which the ideology identifies with - i.e. Jews.
So the sphere of interest and influence is greatly diminished.
And I don't need dogma or ideology to inspire me to be good. I know it intrinsically, like most people do (but may choose to act on, ignore).
I'm not strictly OTD, but one thing I do is work as a volunteer coach in a secular (police-associated) youth sports organization.
There are also transdenominal organizations like jcorps (.com, or .org, in the NYC area) that are gemilut chasadim vehicles with a side of trying to get single Jews to marry each other.
The difference is that, outside the frum world, you have to figure out for yourself what it is, because nobody else is interested in deciding for you. You decide what's valuable; you decide what your goal is. "Thinking for yourself," I believe it's called (or "heresy," depending on whom you ask).
You know what? I'm married with kids and I don't believe in god anymore. So yeah I sin. But guess what? I don't feel the need to blog about it to the world. This displays either one of two things: a) you actually feel a bit like you should still be frum b) you are an insecure person and want others to be insecure with you.
Either way, if you don't believe in God them fine stop being Jewish. Just prove your genuine by not blogging about it to the world.
Mr. Married,
I think it's a beautiful thing to blog about such a journey (that I had in 2010). I'm way past it now, but perhaps others will benefit from reading.
You may not believe in god but sorry you're condescending tone sounds - eh, how shall I put it- frum :)
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